Welcome to my daily political musings. Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and enjoy!
I can hear it all. I wasn’t there, but if the following didn’t happen, it should have.
Laura: The polls are saying you’re losing with suburban women.
Donny: I know. I tell them they have to love me, but do they listen? Noooo!
Laura: You should take an internal poll and find out what suburban women want.
Donny: You’re a woman. What do you think women want? When they don’t want “that”, I mean.
Laura: You rascal. What I want is to be safe. To be protected. You don’t know how hard it is to be a woman. Men think they’re wolves when they whistle, especially. A woman wiggles her butt on the way to go shopping, and all the wolves come out to howl at the moon.
Donny: Wait! Go back. What do you mean you want to feel safe? You feel safe all the time, don’t you? You’re Laura Loomer. No one wants to get Loomered, you know that. Besides, you like it when I howl at the moon.
Laura: Oh, hell no. Why do you think I have to attack everyone? Because I feel safe? Well, let me tell you. A woman in the city never feels safe. You don’t know who the guy at the 7-11 is or where he comes from, or who he’s going to call to follow you home. That’s why I don’t own a car. Besides, I have to stay over when I come visit. And I get to look at all your trading cards.
Donny: I’m going to put that in my speech at rallies. I’m going to tell women, “I am your protector!”
Laura: Oh, great idea! Only not like that. You can’t just announce you’re going to protect women. That sounds creepy. You have to talk to us. You have to talk to us softly. You have to talk to us like we’re in our bedrooms. You do that well, you know. Women don’t like to hear men yelling. You yell in your rally speeches. I’m afraid you’ll have a heart attack. Then what? Would MAGAMike come insist that you step down and then let JD run in your stead?
Donny: I’m not weak like Joe Biden. That was a coup, you know that. He was thrown out like a dog. I won’t let them do that to me.
Laura: Well, you aren’t going to do anything without that female vote or at least a bigger part of it than you have now.
Donny: Yeah, yeah, I’ll talk to women. I’ll talk to women like you’ve never heard anyone talk to women before. People will be talking about me talking to women. I’ll be on Hannity. Bruhs all over America will be taking notes. Big notes. Notes on stone tablets. They’ll be coming up to me after my speeches saying, “Sir, that was a wonderful speech. Sir, you put my bitch in her place. Thank you, sir. Now that she knows she’s protected, she’ll be easier to handle.”
Laura: That’s what I love about you, Donny. You know how to take charge of a woman so she feels protected.
I mean, I wasn’t there or anything, like I said. But I’ve been there. And done that. Not that part about protecting women but the part about thinking I understand what a woman is actually saying. I’ve been there a lot. Woman-speak is impossible for us take-charge guys to ever even hear, apparently. Sigh.